According to Mike

 A revelation* by Jesus Christ, which God gave him,a to show his slavesb the things that must shortly take place. And he sent his angel and presented it in signs through him to his slave John,c  who bore witness to the word God gave and to the witness Jesus Christ gave, yes, to all the things he saw.  Happy is the one who reads aloud and those who hear the words of this prophecy and who observe the things written in it,d for the appointed time is near. 

Get ready, the book of books is about to start

John to the seven congregationse that are in the province of Asia:

Where? what? ehh…?

The hell ya going there for?

May you have undeserved kindness and peace from “the One who is and who was and who is coming,”f and from the seven spiritsg that are before his throne,  and from Jesus Christ, “the Faithful Witness,”h “the firstborn from the dead,”i and “the Ruler of the kings of the earth.”jTo him who loves usk and who set us free from our sins by means of his own bloodl—  and he made us to be a kingdom,m priestsn to his God and Father—yes, to him be the glory and the might forever. Amen. 

So it is going to start now?

Look! He is coming with the clouds,o and every eye will see him, and those who pierced him; and all the tribes of the earth will beat themselves in grief because of him.p Yes, Amen. “I am the Alʹpha and the O·meʹga,”*q says Jehovah* God, “the One who is and who was and who is coming, the Almighty.”r I John, your brother and a sharer with you in the tribulations and kingdomt and enduranceu in association with Jesus,v was on the island called Patʹmos for speaking about God and bearing witness concerning Jesus. 10  

Yes, nearly.

By inspiration I came to be in the Lord’s day, and I heard behind me a strong voice like that of a trumpet, 11  saying: “What you see, write in a scroll and send it to the seven congregations: in Ephʹe·sus,w in Smyrʹna,x in Perʹga·mum,y in Thy·a·tiʹra,z in Sarʹdis,a in Philadelphia,b and in La·o·di·ceʹa.”c12  

After we have been around the block.

I turned to see who was speaking with me, and when I turned, I saw seven golden lampstands,d 13  and in the midst of the lampstands someone like a son of man,e clothed in a garment that reached down to the feet and wearing a golden sash around his chest. 14  Moreover, his head and his hair were white as white wool, as snow, and his eyes were like a fiery flame,f 15  and his feet were like fine copperg when glowing in a furnace, and his voice was like the sound of many waters. 16  

Does any of this make sense?

And he had in his right hand seven stars,h and out of his mouth a sharp, long, two-edged swordi was protruding, and his countenance* was like the sun when it shines at its brightest.j 17  When I saw him, I fell as dead at his feet.And he laid his right hand on me and said: “Do not be afraid. I am the Firstk and the Last,l 18  and the living one,m and I became dead,n but look! I am living forever and ever,o and I have the keys of death and of the Grave.*p 19  

I think I am getting a glimmer

So write down the things you saw, and the things that are, and the things that will take place after these. 20  As for the sacred secret of the seven stars that you saw in my right hand and of the seven golden lampstands: The seven stars mean the angels of the seven congregations, and the seven lampstands mean the seven congregations.q

“To the angela of the congregation in Ephʹe·susb write: These are the things that he says who holds the seven stars in his right hand and walks among the seven golden lampstands:c  ‘I know your deeds, and your labor and endurance, and that you cannot tolerate bad men, and that you put to the test those who say they are apostles,d but they are not, and you found them to be liars.  You are also showing endurance, and you have persevered for the sake of my namee and have not grown weary.f  Nevertheless, I hold this against you, that you have left the love you had at first. “‘Therefore remember from where you have fallen, and repentg and do the deeds you did at first. If you do not, I will come to you, and I will remove your lampstandh from its place, unless you repent.i  Still, you do have this in your favor: that you hate the deeds of the sect of Nic·o·laʹus,j which I also hate.  Let the one who has an ear hear what the spirit says to the congregations:k To the one who conquersl I will grant to eat of the tree of life,m which is in the paradise of God.’ “And to the angel of the congregation in Smyrʹna write: These are the things that he says, ‘the First and the Last,’n who became dead and came to life again:o  ‘I know your tribulation and poverty—but you are richp—and the blasphemy by those who call themselves Jews and really are not, but they are a synagogue of Satan.q 10  Do not be afraid of the things you are about to suffer.r Look! The Devil will keep on throwing some of you into prison so that you may be fully put to the test, and you will have tribulation for ten days. Prove yourself faithful even to death, and I will give you the crown of life.s 11  Let the one who has an ear heart what the spirit says to the congregations: The one who conquersu will by no means be harmed by the second death.’v12  “To the angel of the congregation in Perʹga·mum write: These are the things that he says who has the sharp, long, two-edged sword:w 13  ‘I know where you are dwelling, that is, where the throne of Satan is; and yet you keep holding fast to my name,x and you did not deny your faith in mey even in the days of Anʹti·pas, my faithful witness,z who was killeda by your side, where Satan is dwelling.14  “‘Nevertheless, I have a few things against you, that you have there those adhering to the teaching of Baʹlaam,b who taught Baʹlakc to put a stumbling block before the sons of Israel, to eat things sacrificed to idols and to commit sexual immorality.*d 15  In the same way, you also have those adhering to the teaching of the sect of Nic·o·laʹus.e 16  So repent. If you do not, I am coming to you quickly, and I will war against them with the long sword of my mouth.f17  “‘Let the one who has an ear hear what the spirit says to the congregations:g To the one who conquersh I will give some of the hidden manna,i and I will give him a white pebble, and written on the pebble is a new name that no one knows except the one receiving it.’18  “To the angel of the congregation in Thy·a·tiʹraj write: These are the things that the Son of God says, the one who has eyes like a fiery flamek and whose feet are like fine copper:l 19  ‘I know your deeds, and your love and faith and ministry and endurance, and that your deeds of late are more than those you did at first.20  “‘Nevertheless, I do hold this against you, that you tolerate that woman Jezʹe·bel,m who calls herself a prophetess, and she teaches and misleads my slaves to commit sexual immorality*n and to eat things sacrificed to idols. 21  And I gave her time to repent, but she is not willing to repent of her sexual immorality.* 22  Look! I am about to throw her into a sickbed, and those committing adultery with her into great tribulation, unless they repent of her deeds. 23  And I will kill her children with deadly plague, so that all the congregations will know that I am the one who searches the innermost thoughts* and hearts, and I will give to you individually according to your deeds.o24  “‘However, I say to the rest of you who are in Thy·a·tiʹra, all those who do not follow this teaching, those who did not get to know the so-called “deep things of Satan”:p I am not putting on you any other burden. 25  Just the same, hold fast to what you have until I come.q 26  And to the one who conquers and observes my deeds down to the end, I will give authority over the nations,r 27  and he will shepherd the people with an iron rods so that they will be broken to pieces like clay vessels, just as I have received from my Father. 28  And I will give him the morning star.t 29  Let the one who has an ear hear what the spirit says to the congregations.’